I was trying to post my mom’s boyfriend’s keyboard on Craigslist.  After creating the entire post I pressed submit and I received this message.  

A few weekends ago we went to USC for the football game against UA. Unfortunately, I was unaware of the uneven pavement all around USC.  I stubbed my toe while walking on this uneven pavement and since alcohol thins your blood, I began to bleed everywhere. I soon discovered that none of the fraternities on Greek row had bandaids, nor papertowels or any form of napkin, after walking in and out of each one leaving my trail of blood.  I eventually found a clothing store and the owner gave me some bandaids.  I probably should have gone and gotten stitches when this happened but I figured I was there to party so I had to suffer through the pain. On a positive note, I’m certainly glad I can say I left my mark at the school. I even felt it necessary to take souvenir shorts with me because I left them half the skin off of my big toe in exchange. 

Seriously? I’m really glad I am starting to feel safe as a jew in my own neighborhood…

I was bored during recruitment and my friend and I were on this IPhone app called “PhotoSwap”.  You take a picture of anything and it swaps it with someone else who is using the same app on an IPhone.  I know it sounds extremely creepy but it can actually be really entertaining.  Anyways, I randomly received this picture from a random person using the app.  As much as I hate cats with a passion, I am really concerned about this cat.  I’m hoping it was a joke but maybe I should have reported it to Peta.  

Along with everyone else, I get the most random friend requests on Facebook. This foreign kid requested me and I didn’t accept him but somehow he still managed to message me.  I thought it was funny so I responded.  He may claim to be a good boy from Russia but he clearly has issues with first impressions….creepy

I thought that once I was in college the professors would be able to grade my papers correctly.  I got points off on an exam for not writing that the philosopher “read the bible”, when I clearly wrote it.  Although I have fifth grade handwriting, I can tell that it is legible and I really just don’t understand how someone can miss something so clear. 

My Parking Citation was appealed! After long efforts to write a formal appeal letter to UA parking and transportation, I actually succeeded.  Although the fine would have only been $35, I am a jew and I didn’t want to pay.  I made an honest mistake and parked in the wrong lot because I like to assume that every lot is conveniently a Zone 1 lot.  I refuse to conform and pay parking fines like everyone else so I wrote the following letter to University of Arizona Parking and Transportation. Due to my cleverness and wise way with words, UA transportation replied “After review, your appeal has been accepted and the citation has been dismissed as a one-time courtesy.”

To Whom it May Concern: 
On September 27th, 2011, I arrived at my car around 3:30pm noticing the citation on my windshield. I immediately became in shock and confused regarding the reasoning behind my citation. I read over the citation and then took a look at the UA Parking map to discover that I was not parked in a Zone 1 lot. Even after recognizing this, I was still confused because I was wrongly informed about that parking lot. At the beginning of the semester, I had mentioned to one of my teachers that I had just walked so far from the Zone 1 lot at the corner of Speedway and Cherry, because I could not find a closer parking spot to the classroom. My teacher then mentioned to me that the lot behind Harvill was a Zone 1 lot and that I could park there. After that day, I continued to park in that lot each and every day with the belief that the lot was a Zone 1 lot, and because of that, I assumed I was permitted to park there with my Zone 1 permit. I have been parking there for over a month and I have never received a citation up until September 27th. If not for my teacher’s recommendation, I would have not parked there and I would have continued to park in the Zone 1 lot at the corner of Speedway and Cherry. This is my first parking citation and I am certainly the type of person that follows rules. I would really appreciate it if you could take my situation into consideration and keep in mind that this was simply a miscommunication. Thank you and I really appreciate your time. 

Sincerely,
Elizabeth Molly 

I sent the following letter to Southwest customer service and received a $150.00 voucher. Sick life.

To Whom It May Concern: 

My Name is Elizabeth Molly and my flight confirmation number is XDDNPX.  I fly Southwest very frequently and I am a proud Rapid Rewards member.  I rarely encounter any problems with your services.  However, I am extremely disappointed about my most recent trip.  My trip was round trip from Tucson to Detroit.  As you can see on my itinerary, my first flight home to school, flight 806 from DTW to DEN was delayed, which caused me to miss my flight to my final destination to Tucson.  I was then told that I could either stay overnight in Denver, or take a later flight to Phoenix.  This was extremely inconvenient because I had already paid and scheduled a shuttle that night from the Tucson airport to my dorm.  The Phoenix airport is two hours from Tucson and this was once again an inconvenience for me because I had to find a way to get from Phoenix to Tucson and had to cancel my previously scheduled shuttle to my dorm.  Not only did I pay 329.40 for my flights, but I also had to pay 18.00 dollars for the shuttle I reserved, and then an additional 43.00 dollars for the second reserved shuttle from Phoenix to Tucson at 12:30am.  It was necessary for me to get home to Tucson that night since I have class early Monday morning.  As you can see, I was extremely inconvenienced multiple times throughout my trip home to Tucson.  I am wondering what you can do in order to compensate me for my multiple struggles throughout my journey back home to college.  I am a full-time college student and these additional expenses for this trip do not fit anywhere into my budget. 

Sincerely,

Elizabeth Molly

The best part about going to your parent’s alma mater is knowing that they have tons of friends that live around campus in case you ever need anything.  When my mom helped me move into my house, we went out for pizza and of course, she got into a deep conversation with the restaurant owner.  They were discussing property owners around Tucson and discovered that a guy my mom dated, Joe Goodman, owns a ton of property around the college campus.  A few weeks later, I had to go my neighborhood’s rental office with my roommates to set up our alarm system.  Our landlord just happened to be in the office that day and my roommates and I met him, Joe Goodman.  He is the proud owner of our neighborhood’s small community in Tucson.  Glad to know that at least he’s successful and my mom had high standards.  Maybe if she treated him well many years ago he might even consider lowering my monthly rent…just thinking positively. Love you mom.